Insight =  Growth

Matthew Aboulafia, LCSW

51  EAST 42ND  STREET      SUITE  1407

NEW  YORK   NEW YORK   10017

212 682  3382


The fear of being happy












Why Don.t Children Listen






Life is a great relentless force. When we resist it, we are led down a self-destructive path, a course of emotional pain.  However, to ally with it (life) is to know a level of excitement, a level of energy and enthusiasm that can lead one to believe heaven is here on earth rather than some far off place they are destined for only after they have stopped living.  When this alliance is achieved, you will have discoved The Win Phenomena.


How is it possible for everyone let anyone to come to this truth? What I am putting forward is we can know this meaning as we are all made up of it. Yes to come to this truth is a mind-baffling question if one attempts to discover the meaning only as a mental process. Yet if one is to experience it (the meaning of life) then we have a very different course of contemplation and action. 

The big question then is not how one can conceive of   the meaning of life, as how can one experience the meaning of life.  So, it is the experiencing the  meaning of life that enables one to know it.   But, can we even enable someone  to know this meaning as an emotional experience?  If our question becomes about how  knowing the truth concerns our emotional reality and with this realty our resistance to experiencing the meaning of life, my response is an emphatic yes. In fact, if it were not for our own resistance to knowing the meaning of life, an answer to this question would be as simple as what kind of pie you might like for dessert.

What is this resistance?  Why should we ever want to resist knowing something as great and profound as the meaning of life?  Unfortunately we all, as we climb up the latter of our own development, are affected by beliefs that keep us from knowing this reality.  They live in us as fears.  These fears keep us sheltered from experiencing the wonderful thrill of life.  These fears cause us to fight with the needs of life, to defeat them to avoid facing our fears. As we fight, we ironically lose a great battle  - one where the joy of being alive is ever-present.

What are these fears and how do they come about?


Quite often I hear a  patient of mine say how their lives  would  be  better if they only had more confidence.  This person  is confused where the problem lies.  It is not more confidence  that one needs as much as fewer inhibitions.  The inhibitions keep us from letting our life energies  reach a productive end.  It  is in fact this end that  gives us a   feeling  of power and exhilaration, otherwise  known  as  confidence.  So we should  say confidence is the result of the life force, when  unencumbered by doubt or inhibition,  reaches its own  actualization.


One who does not experience a self with potential will endure emotional hardship.  Life must have an open window, something to pursue that ensures possiblity for growth.  If we learned anything from men like Viktor Frankl, and maybe our greatest example of our  need to experience a potential future, is how those who can imagine a future can endure hardship even as great as concentration camps. Those   who know no future, those who see nothing in front of them -no satisfaction or reward - will destroy themselves.  It may be through work, love, alcohol, gambling, social isolation, suicide or war...   As long as ones life is absent of potential one is doomed to emotional hardship and self-destructive behavior. When one can imagine a future full of possibilities for success and love one can endure nearly anything and one can  accomplish nearly anything.

I have described to you a dramatic scenario.  In our daily lives, the closed windows for potential come and go usually without our ever noticing. They do so as we are often too preoccupied with our daily frets to notice.  If though we can remove those frets, we will see more windows of possibility and with this the realization of greater self-actualization.



Matthew Aboulafia, LCSW

51  EAST 42ND  STREET   SUITE  1407

NEW  YORK   NEW YORK   10017

212 682  3382